Words.....

    Words… there are 27 letters in the alphabet and all 27 are used daily. There isn’t a day that I don’t use them. Well maybe not “Q” so much because that “U” has to follow and I honestly don’t know to many “Q” words and maybe “X“ and now that I think of it “Z“. Ok so there is like 24 letters in MY alphabet. However, I love words. I love how words can form sentences and how those create a story, a poem, a song, or a letter to a loved one.  Without words we would live in a very silent world. Now, I have nothing against silence. I believe that it is needed and at times I crave it. Silence shows growth and peace. I believe a good dose of both will be good for everyone.
    An old friend of mine used to have a joke “Don’t let your words be idle so shut up!” I’m pretty sure there is a verse in the Bible about idle words but that’s what my friend and I took away from it. If the words are not helping the situation and they are meaningless shut yo trap! I have seen where when myself or someone else just uses words to fill an emptiness or to prove a pointless point. However, on the opposite I have seen silence scream when words were the only savior. I can’t tell you the sleepless nights I have when I know and replay situations in my head of when I should have shut up or spoke up. Sometimes the guilt is so extreme that I don’t sleep a wink. And a sleepy Nikki is not a pretty Nikki. Just ask my wife.
    I was reading I heart breaking article about a 12 year old boy who is on life support after attempting suicide. He was being incessantly bullied. Do you know why he was bullied? He like My Little Pony.  He was called “Gay” and “Girly”. I believe his family would rather have My Little Pony playing in the background rather than the beep of a life support machine to keep their sons heart and lungs working.
He was called names. Nasty words that shouldn’t even be considered an insult but as society we have given them a negative connotation. That being “Gay” or “Girly” make you weak and less than.  Words that should have no negative impact drastically changed his life and the life of his family.  I hope and pray for a miracle so that this little boy can go watch his favorite show.
    Do you see what we have done? I am not innocent in this situation either. And I plead for forgiveness if my words have destroyed anything in anyone ever.  We create life and death out of 27 letters. And those 27 letters depending on how you use them can cause so many different outcomes. 
    I remember growing up I would always fly off the handle especially at my family members. My mom showed me a Bible verse  that says “ A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Its from Proverbs 15:1. And though I still struggled with my words and how I used them I remember to this day that moment in my life and it has made me a better person. How do you use your words? Do they spring life and hope in others? Or do they destroy hope?
    I have a confession to make and it a story how negative words affected my heart.  I went to a pastor at one time and told him of my plan on how to become a missionary. (Which was a dream at one point that I have left in Gods hands). After spilling my soul to this person he looked at me and said “Don’t you have a lot of issues that wouldn’t make you right for this?” I admit I have had many issues. At that time I did have a few but most of the major ones in the “Churches eyes” were dealt with. He went on to explain that the church wouldn’t support someone like me. (I hadn’t even come out yet!! I cant imagine if that was on the table at the time.) So I dropped it. I haven’t revisited that dream in long time. And not that my homosexuality is on the table I know it makes it harder to happen. Do you know what I came out of that situation with? That I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t like the rest and no one would want someone like me representing them or a church.
    Now here is a positive experience with words (Is it sad that I have a difficult time finding one? I am trying not to use one from my wife because she compliments me all the time) Ok, a few days ago I came into work and a co-worker said “I was wondering where you were it was quiet!! You bring such life and joy to this place.” That made my day. I didn’t feel like a loudmouth and a mess up. I felt like I had a purpose even if was to make others smile. Which is one of my favorite purposes.  It’s hard to find the positive in all the negative we hear isn’t it?
    I have a  terrible habit of even calling myself names. Now I strongly dislike when people use the word “Fag” “Homo” or Dyke” however I use it for myself all the time. And a friend once asked me “Why can’t I use it when you say it all the time?” and I explained how If I use it toward myself more often it doesn’t hurt as much when someone is serious about it. Which is crap of course I still cry when someone uses it in a hurtful way. Speak of yourself highly and that’s how people will see you.
    When other speak listen with the intent to LISTEN. Not to respond. I hate being interrupted. If I am I will usually stop speaking because if you need to interject so badly clearly what I am saying has little importance in the conversation I am having.  So do not interrupt let silence be your voice at that moment. It shows you care and you love that person. Especially if its deep and means something to that other person. And even more important if that person is silent a lot. If they choose to speak listen. There is gold in the words of the silent.
    When a person says something that is dark about them don’t fly off the handle. They are telling you because they trust you and don’t need any more judgment. Don’t you think they have berated themselves enough? Listen and if they need or want a response ask if they want you to say something or give advice. Don’t just give it to them. Ask if that’s what they want. Most of the time they just need an ear to listen.
    Let your words bring forth life, inspiration and protection. Let your silence be strong and loving. But know when to use them and how. Never use those 27 beautiful letters to cause pain or to kill a dream. It is not easy to revive a spirit when words are the thing that caused it to flat-line. I think it’s easier to bring a heart back from a physical death than a death of soul caused by hate.  Choose little ones. And choose wisely because once that choice is made it can’t be undone or taken back. You have one chance but 27 words to define that chance. So be careful because the world is fragile and it takes years to heal but one word in one second spoken in anger can bring ruin.