Granny

So, it's been about a week since my last post....or at least I think so...I have no sense of time.

I GOT A HAIR CUT!!! All of you are like "Wow, shallow post Nikki". But wait! It's not really about my stupid hair it's about my grandma. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in December and just recently had a mastectomy.
    Now I have to step back here for a second. About 4 years ago my grandpa died of cancer and it was a tidal waves for emotions for us all. My grandma and grandpa were married for over 50 years. I stayed with my grandma for quite some time after that and visit her at least once a week now.
     We do a lot together. We cook, we fix things, we have torn down walls, we have cried together, chased mice from under her house together, dug holes and even been stranded a few time on main highways. Granny and I have done a lot and I do consider her one of my closest friends. So as you can imagine the news of cancer hit me like a freight train. Even sitting here puts a weight on my heart I can not put into words. I plan on seeing her tomorrow after work and after she gets her port put in for her Chemo treatments.

That's me and Grandpa.

 So as I did last time when grandpa had chemo I did it again this time. I shaved my head for Granny. I only did it last Friday and multiple people have stared and some people have hugged me or said "How brave I was." I like hugs so that is OK. However, I do not see myself as brave. I see Granny or any other person waking up everyday with a bad medical condition as brave.
    I see my grandma as almost a superhero because what defines you as a woman in a physical sense is slowly being stripped from her. And if I can share in some of her heart ache I will. Not because I want people to pat me on the back but I want people to learn that love isn't merely a word that you say; it is also an action.
    My grandma has shown me love without words many times. The time I remember the most is coming out to my grandma. We had just got done playing Skip-Bo, which she is a master at, and I said "Granny can I tell you something?" Now anyone who says that or hears that has to brace themselves. It is a very vulnerable phrase. And of course because I am rarely that serious I had her full attention. I remember saying "If you want me to leave after I tell you this I will." "Grandma I am gay, and I have a girlfriend." And of course granny said "Is that all you had to say??" I was silently crying and she took my hand and said "I always had a feeling that you were and that is OK." She hugged me and said "Thank you for telling me." And then we cooked dinner. The weight off my shoulders was nothing I could compare it to. She was one of the first people I came out to.
    She and I tackle many projects. Once we were cleaning out her side room and it turned into a demolition party. We took out one whole wall and pulled out all the stuffing a.k.a insulation. We were a mess and so stinky. But we laughed the whole time.

                                                                              

                                                                                   

We have had both of our cars breakdown numerous times. Hers twice on the side of the road and mine once because of brake failure. One time we waited for over 3 1/2 hours for a tow truck. Yes..I have pictures.                                                            

                                                   On the phone with AAA for the 4th time.

                                                                               

                         I remember crying with her on more than one occasion.  Watching home movies for the first time and hearing grandpa's voice and seeing him. We both sat there tears rolling down our face in a moment together that felt like it healed some of the hurt of the loss.

                                                                                     

We ran a 5k together. Well more like walked and jogged. She actually beat me. I am not proud of it but she certainly is.
                                                            This is us after the race.
                                                                         

    There is so much about my grandma I wish the world knew. She loves dancing and the song "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson. She loves cards and anything she can win at. She isn't competitive at all....right.

She is awesome. She is strong. And no she doesn't know I shaved my head.

Love. Its the simplest word to say. Sometimes difficult to be the embodiment of, but always doable.

My grandma is that.

I just thought you should all know that about her.